Humility

Last sunday I went to church and the sermon was about humility and how it is one of the keys to heaven and to a relationship with Jesus. The sermon really hit home with me and some of the things the priest said really made me think about everything going on in my life. I felt really happy after mass and was thinking of ways that I could try and become more humble in my life. 
Fast forward to about 5:00pm that day. Shane texts me and tells me that he thinks his heart is out of rhythm and my heart stops and speeds up all at the same time. I immediately tell him to call one of his school friends and have him come over to check his heart for a second opinion and if it was really out of rhythm to go to the ER immediately. His friend agreed that it seemed out of rhythm and Shane went to Flagler Hospital. When this was going on there was a million things going through my head and I started crying and telling myself to stop crying and not break down yet because we didn't have all the details. Shane got to the ER and they confirmed that he was in Atrial Fibrillation and they started him on some medications to try and slow his heart down and hope his heart would correct itself. I was at a friend's house for a dinner party trying to keep my mind off it and try not to freak out and hope the early medications would fix the problem. Shane was then admitted because the medications were not working. I had spoken to my FMIL and we decided to drive up at 6am the next morning (Labor Day). I was dead tired that night thankfully because I really needed to sleep and I actually was able to get a good couple of hours in. 
I had been totally calm the previous night but when I woke up that morning it was like it all hit me and I was a total mess. I couldn't stop crying, and crying, and crying. I kept thinking about the most horrible things and how I would die if anything ever happened to Shane. Before we left I asked God to help me be strong for Shane because he needed me to be the strong one this time. 
When we got to the hospital and I saw Shane on all the monitors with the IV's an I almost broke down. I crawled into his hospital bed with him and just cried. I couldn't help it and just thinking about it now makes me tear up. I realized then and there that NOTHING matters without him. This wedding, our house absolutely NONE of it matters if I do not have him. It is worthless if I cannot spend the rest of my life with him. I remembered that sermon just a day before and I truly believe God was prepping me for this experience. I obviously needed a reality check and a lesson in humility and I sure got it. Shane has an unbelievable amount of stress on him with exit exams, studying for boards, as well as wedding and house stress. He is always the strong one and he is always so supportive and I have to admit that I don't think I've taken the time to ask him about his stress level and to just talk things through. That is something that I am going to change and make sure that I do everything in my power to be as supportive as he is to me. 
I stayed with Shane in the hospital sleeping in the same bed with him for 2 nights {even though the nurses told me I wasn't suppose to} and going to his apartment to shower and grab some clothes. The doctor decided that they would give him an anti-arrhythmia medication and see if that would work before they decided to do a cardioversion. Thankfully it worked! They gave him a very strong dose and it was a very strong medication and not something that Shane wanted to stay on for the rest of his life. The doctors agreed that it was okay to not take anymore medication and see if his heart stayed in rhythm and if so he wouldn't need the medication daily. All of his vitals were okay and he was released on Wednesday. He is getting a full workup when we get back to Naples and I look forward to us finding out what caused this recent episode {he had a similar episode 7 years ago in high school}. 

This entire experience was so eye opening, I don't know if I can say I would gladly do it all over it again but I am thankful for the insight and things I have learned through this experience. Trying to stay humble and keep everything in perspective has become a high priority for me and I think it will lead to greater happiness in the end. 

I <3 you Shane,

The Sassy Gator